Avoid these Success Stoppers

1. Inability to Identify Your True Desires
2. Confusing Wants With Desires
3. Confusing Expectations With Intentions
4. Not Having The Proper Beliefs To Support Our Goals
5. Insufficient Self Esteem To Achieve Or Sustain Success.
6. Failure To Plan A Strategy
7. Setting Unattainable Goals
8. Failure To Align Our Integrity With your Our Goals
9. Failure to Take Sufficient Action
10. Losing Focus
11. Lack of Accountability
    

#1 You Don’t Identify Your True Desires
“Desires of the heart are always granted” (Biblical Verse) Spiritual Life Law.
Most overachievers know how to set goals. Actually a monkey can be trained to set a goal. How often have you set a goal and achieved it, only to be disappointed or deflated after reaching the goal? We felt flat because, although we were successful in attaining the goal, it wasn’t in line with our true desires.

I’m sure you know someone who has achieved status and wealth, owns a luxurious house, drives a fancy car – and is downright miserable. This person may be an accomplished lawyer who dreams about being an opera singer… or a Wall Street trader who wishes for a career in broadcasting. Attaining your goals doesn’t mean you will necessarily FEEL successful. For our attained goals to grant success, they must be aligned with what you TRULY desire, not just what you think you want – or those things that adhere to other people’s perceptions of how success looks.

How many times have you found yourself doing things for someone else – for all the wrong reasons? I have a friend whose parents wanted him to become a doctor. So he majored in biology in college, spent seven years in medical school and interned at a hospital, only to realize during his residency that he hated practicing medicine. Funny thing was: He sensed it wasn’t for him early in his freshman year, while struggling through Biochemistry. But he didn’t want to let his parents down; so instead, he let himself down. Fortunately for my friend, whom I playfully called Doctor Disgruntled, he was able to put his education and experience to good use as medical director for a major insurance company. Administration and a 9-to-5 job were much more aligned with his desires than a medical practice that would have had him on call 24 hours a day. And yet, somehow, his parents survived.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself in a similar situation at some point. It’s easy to get trapped into doing “the right thing” for others, only to find out it’s totally wrong for you. In the beginning you think it will bring you success; but once you get into it, you realize it doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t give you satisfaction or doesn’t yield the results you’re really looking for. Search your heart to find your true desires.

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#2 You Confuse Want with Desire
You’ve heard the saying, “Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it.” Well, it’s absolutely right and it falls in line with another Life Law: “Ask and You Shall Receive.”
But, have you ever found yourself saying, “I ask and ask but never get what I want”? Well, in that case, count your blessings! Sometimes what you want isn’t what you truly desire. The Universe can’t read between the lines. It knows what you truly desire, but if you request something you only want (and which just happens to be available), the universe has no other choice than to ALLOW you to have it – because of the principle of Free Will. Now, notice I said, “ALLOW,” not “GIVE.” How many times have we cried that the Universe never gives us what we want? YOU ARE RIGHT! It never does, nor ever will. The Universe is about Abundance and Desire, Not Lack and Want. If you persist in focusing on what you want, you will either get it for a short while or stay in a perpetual state of “wanting.”

An excellent illustration of this point happened during an exercise in one of my seminars to a group of entrepreneurs. I spoke of desire like it was a silver tray of goodies containing everything you could ask for: Love, Power, Health, and Money. I told them the Universe works like this: You can have ANYTHING you desire, but you need to ask for it specifically – because whatever you ask for you will get. One of the attendees, a woman who had been married for 50 years, had an amazing A-ha moment. When I asked her to choose her desire from the Abundance Tray, she picked love. She explained, “When I was younger, I desperately wanted to be married, so I asked for a husband. But the ironic thing is that, in all the 50 years, I’ve never felt really loved by my husband.” She didn’t ask for a loving relationship; she asked for a husband – and she got precisely what she asked for. A husband was her goal… but love was her desire. Interesting, huh?
What “wants” in your life are you confusing with “desires”? What an amazing life you could be having if only you get clear on what you TRULY desire – and create goals and strategies to prepare you to receive them!

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#3 You Confuse Expectation with Intentions
This one is a common mistake that costs people their Birthright every time. This one is the saddest realities I’ve seen in people’s lives, because many times the Universe has already given you what you have asked for but because it didn’t arrive in the way or “package” you expected, we don’t accept the gift. Consider this: Think about something you have been asking for that you know is a true desire. What could be in your life right now that is giving you an opportunity to receive what you have been asking for intently?

Let me give you an example. Some of you may have a day J.O.B. (what other people call Journey of the Broke) and would like to be a full time entrepreneur. Or some of you desire to create passive income and quit your job. Some of you may be resenting that job and feeling that it is in the way of what you desire most. That is your expectation of what you think the journey to entrepreneurialism and financial freedom should look like. The Laws of the Universe cannot bring you something that you do not already have. What that means is that if you don’t have a source of income, the universe cannot bring you another or different one.

Are you starting to get it? That J.O.B. is a blessing and a magnet for what you desire. It also provides you peace of mind that steady money is coming in. This J.O.B. allows you to be open to new opportunities that involve some risk knowing that your bills are paid no matter the outcome. This J.O.B. allows you to step out on faith and build a bridge from where you are to where you desire to be. It also allows you to learn some new skills and habits while being paid for the training. I don’t have that as an entrepreneur. I have to pay for my training. Some time the journey to where we desire to be takes more than one step. Sometimes we need to build a bridge where a road is not available. Even when we feel like we have been detoured or denied access to the road we THINK we need to be on, we are actually being taken a better way that we never could have expected in a vehicle that fits us better than we could possibly imagine.

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#4 You Don’t Have the Proper Beliefs to Support your Goals
This is critical. We might have the best and most carefully thought-out goals and desires; but if we don’t have the proper beliefs to support them, our goals will be reduced to wishful thinking or dreaming. Those who have aligned goals but not the proper belief structures in place to support them are sure to experience a great deal of frustration. They question themselves and the Universe, wondering why they can never take successful action. They get frustrated because they know they have desire, yet can’t figure out the way to make those goals take flight. That is because they have beliefs that are in conflict with what they desire – or perhaps beliefs that just don’t support what they desire.

Here is a computer analogy I use to help people understand this important concept. Ask yourself this question, “Would I expect the best PC program to work on a Mac-based computer? Of course not! Why? Because almost everybody knows that PC programs are not compatible with Mac-based computers. We know that – or we quickly find it out when we try to install the wrong software. It may be frustrating; but once we figure out what’s wrong, we go back out and get compatible software.

The same is true for our goals and beliefs. Think of your life as the computer… and your goals as the software program. If there is some component missing from the language, the program will not run. Even if we have the most perfectly written software but we put it on a different platform from that for which it was written, guess what? It won’t work. Just like software programs have a language, so do goals. If we forget a step, the program just won’t run. True? Incompatible software can cause a program to stop running and – worse – cause your computer to crash. The same is true with goals. If they aren’t designed or thought out properly, they simply won’t work. They can even cause a crash in your life. The answer is simple: Before you set a goal for your life, make sure it is SMART! (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-lined)

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Yes, I said talented AND accomplished people. When you think of low self esteem, you think of people who are victims of circumstance… abused spouses, disabled people, the poor or people in bad situations… but the truth is, a lot of the people we think are so accomplished are suffering from low self esteem.

Think about Elvis… Elizabeth Taylor… John Belushi. Loved by the world, they were all immensely talented. Some of us dreamed of being like them. But on the inside, where it counts most, they felt undeserving of what they truly desired. They didn’t think they were good enough.
I can’t stress this strongly enough: All the talent in the world will not bring you success. Your ability to look in the mirror and say “I like me” will be the foundation and magnet for your success – even when the talent falters.

Case in point: Picture your dream car. Take a Ferrari or Rolls Royce with all the amenities: leather package, Bose stereo system, and alloy wheels… the best of everything. Then take a rusted, corroded engine from a junk heap and put it under the hood. Do you expect the car to run like the dream it appears to be? No. But how many of us are trying to blaze the road to success in a hyped-up jalopy? You would never build a mansion on a foundation of Popsicle sticks, would you? In the same way, you shouldn’t build your goals and dreams on a foundation of self esteem that is too weak to support and sustain it for a long time. Build your dream castle in the sky, but be sure you start with a strong foundation of self esteem!

Procrastination is a strong symptom of low self esteem. (navigation bar should be a link to Procrastination and how to avoid or overcome it)

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After driving nonstop all day and all night, I pull into a roadside motel in El Paso, Texas at midnight. That means I’ve still got 25 hours of driving left to do… and my meeting is 12 hours from now.

Needless to say, I’m bleary eyed from driving; I’m dizzy from inhaling diesel fumes at that last truck stop where I stopped to gas up… and my credit card is begging for mercy because of the price of gas. My tummy is rumbling because I forgot to pack healthy snacks to bring with me and I don’t have time to stop anywhere to eat something nutritious. Furthermore, now I’ve missed my appointments! I start getting upset and begin lamenting: There must be something wrong with me, maybe I wasn’t meant to go to Florida, maybe I chose the wrong car, and the world is conspiring against me. No, none of those thoughts is true. These thoughts don’t serve any of us. My strategy wasn’t sound, considering my timeline and needs. Had I stopped to consider my personal situation, I would have realized that, no matter the cost, my only realistic option was to fly. However, because I narrowly focused on my financial circumstance, I missed the bigger picture. Or maybe I didn’t pay attention and procrastinated too long to realize that I should have started driving four days earlier. Remember: Success is our birthright… but, as John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

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#7 You Don’t Set Goals That Are Attainable
This is my personal favorite because I was renowned for starting at A, seeing Z and setting a goal to get to Z in one leap. Because I saw it, I thought I could just do it. Anything is possible if you desire it badly enough and are willing to pay the price; but most of us are too busy trying to handle our everyday responsibilities to just push everything aside and leap buildings in one single bound.

For example, a man who desires to go back to school for a degree but works full time, has a mortgage and three children will face different challenges to finishing his degree than a 19-year-old who can put everything else aside and do the curriculum in three years. Their circumstances will be different, based on their personal realities and timelines. What is an attainable goal for you may be an unrealistic one for me. Setting goals is tremendously personal and should be treated as such.

We are all capable of getting to our desired successful outcomes; but we will all arrive in different vehicles – and at different times. When setting our goals, it is vitally important that we be honest with ourselves, and be realistic about how much time is available, what price we are willing to pay, and the resources we have to pursue our desires.

At the outset of pursuing my dream, I was willing to pay the price, but had virtually no resources. I needed to break down my goals into a series of attainable steps and leap them in rapid succession, so that it FELT like I was zooming toward my ultimate goal. In essence, I was building a bridge across obstacles. So, when setting those goals, it’s important to keep in mind the three Ps: be Prepared… be Persistent… but also be Pragmatic.

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#8 You Fail To Align Your Integrity with Your Goals
How many unhappy people do you think there are in Corporate America? Too many, I’m sure. But why do you think that is? Many are unhappy because the general culture of Corporate America fosters a feeling that people don’t matter; all that matters is getting the job done. Only recently have corporations begun to realize that happy employees are more productive than unhappy ones. Too many people are sacrificing family time because they need to stay late at work to prove they are “part of the team.” Others are sacrificing their career ambitions because of family commitments. How may of these people feel obligated to say yes to taking on additional responsibilities at work when they really feel torn between what they ought to do and what they feel is the right thing to do? This is one of the main reasons many accomplished professionals are miserable in their lives. Society is full of people sedating themselves with Prozac, alcohol, or food to tolerate what they perhaps don’t even realize are intolerable circumstances. They are trying to manage their responsibilities or achieve their goals in a way that goes against everything they feel is right – simply because they’ve been conditioned to believe this is the way it has to be. You can pick the noblest, most respected goal; but if you try to do it in a way that goes against what you value most, you will at some point fall down – because defying your personal integrity makes you weak.

Example: Take a manager who is highly social and has an inherent love of people. Now, tell him the only way to get further ahead is to push his staff really hard, make no allowances for personal issues and lay people off without shedding a tear. He is going to have a painful – perhaps impossible – climb up the “corporate ladder” because it goes against what he loves most: People.
On the other hand, someone who is highly utilitarian, who values money for the security it brings, would be stressed in a job that requires a lot of effort for little to no pay. Success comes quickly and joyously to those who know how to align their goals with their values and desires.

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The bottom line is this: Success comes to those who accept it; but accepting requires action. You can’t sit idly and expect to receive.

Jerry Rice is arguably the greatest wide receiver in NFL history. Among other feats, he’s the all-time leader in touchdown receptions. If Rice weren’t willing to run down the field, elude defensive backs, hurl his body into the air and endure ferocious hits, he would never once have experienced the elation of catching a pass, crossing the goal line and spiking the football. You never know what you can do until you give it a try. And try and try and try again if necessary.

If you’re looking for the perfect oven for your kitchen, you don’t really expect a top-of-the-line Jenn-Air to simply show up at your door one day. You must go out and seek what you desire. If it is an object, you may need to do some research or make some calls. If you call one store and they don’t have the model you are looking for, you don’t decide never to cook, do you? No, you call another store until you find what you are looking for. Mary Kay Ash had a great saying that I always loved… “A big shot is just a little shot that kept on shooting.” Remember, the person who fails to receive the success is the person who just stopped showing up. And 90% of success is in just showing up. Are you showing up where your success hangs out?

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Remember, if a goal was worth setting in the first place, it is surely worth focusing on. When you aren’t happy with the outcome of a situation, step back and refocus yourself on what you desire – not the obstacles in your way.

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I hope we all think enough of ourselves to be accountable to ourselves because we deserve what we desire. However, that isn’t always the case. Or it starts out that way, but we are just softies and let ourselves slide. “One cookie won’t hurt”; or “I deserve to sleep in once in a while.” Our human nature provides us with a slippery slope when the newness of something wears off or life starts to set in with its own demands. That is why coaching has become such an important element in so many people’s success. Because everyone needs to be accountable to someone – and a coach is someone who is objective, non-judgmental and cares about you and your goals. When the going gets tough, a coach helps you escape your box and build a strategy that is realistic and attainable, while helping you stretch beyond your comfort zone. A coach will call you on things when you give in or create excuses, and encourage you to be (and do) your very best. Bottom line, a coach will help you discover the strength that’s always been inside of you.
Design your success and build it, but be accountable… or find a coach — someone you trust and who has faith in you — to give you a kick in the fanny when it’s warranted.

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